Oh Hi There! This Is Me And My Story.
It started off innocent enough. I was motivated and had the mentality that if I just worked hard enough I could reach my goal of becoming a professional ballet dancer. I never meant to become disordered in my mind and body. I never knew becoming obsessed and mean could be a side effect of trying to be my very best. Yet there I was broken down on the same dance floor that once provided me with so much joy and passion. How did I get here? What went wrong? Those were just some of the tough questions I was faced with when living a lie finally became too much to bear.
My story is not unlike millions of other girls who strive for perfection and end up accidentally falling pray to an eating disorder. For me, I remember feeling a sense of excitement when I first started to restrict what I ate. I thought it would bring me closer to my dreams; that if I just got my body together I would really be able to shine. That kind of thinking is so alluring for a young girl who has a one track mind and the ability to stick to goals, no matter the pain it might cause in the moment.
The sad thing is, it wasn't a difficult transition to make! After-all when you are in High School literally all you have to do is look to the girl next to you and chances are you will see some crazy eating habits. It's almost as if we were all secretly living the same lie. Walking the halls smiling, being a good student in the classroom, and all the while secretly harboring some real deep rooted body image issues.
Still I was lucky. I never ended up having to go to the hospital and I don't have any scary pictures of my bones protruding out. That being said, it ended up becoming a situation where I couldn't go from one moment to the next without obsessing over my body and thinking about ways to eat less. Even dance was just another reminder that I wasn't enough. For all it's amazing qualities, at the end of the day, it ended up becoming just another area of my life that was so inexplicably linked to what I looked like.
The day I realized I could no longer be apart of the dance world, I felt so free. I knew it wasn't going to fix everything but it was a new beginning; a chance to write my own story in my own way. I discovered so much about myself, found new passions, and regained a new/healthier relationship to both ballet and my body.
Although I am still not perfect when it comes to body image, I know that perfect is not what matters. Each day I choose to commit to loving myself as I am; and even if I am not always successful, I know it's my intention of self acceptance that really matters.
When I think of all the time I wasted preoccupied on something so trivial as what I look like and trying to get thinner, it honestly makes me angry! Just think of where we could all be as a society of woman, if we replaced the energy we put into obsessing over our bodies, into our careers and treating ourselves/others with kindness? Now more than ever we need to stand united, confident, and sure in our bodies.
To help make that shift, below are my top 3 favorite tools to gaining a healthier relationship to your body.
1. Replace your negative body attitude with Gratitude
2. Write down qualities about your body that you love that only have to do with it's functionality, not its physique.
3. Spend time in mediation giving love to the areas of your body that you feel insecure about
If you are struggling with your body, know that it doesn't have to be like that forever! If you hear a quiet voice inside you, saying there has to be another way to live, listen up! We only have this one life to live and I believe we all have the right to make it one that is filled with love.
Body Postivity is a real movement that is only getting stronger day by day. So, what are you waiting for? Say goodbye to your former life of insecurities, it's time you rewrite your story and fill the pages with love and total acceptance for your body and for the special talents that only you have to share with the world.
